I went decaf.
If you read “Call of the Wild” you know this was no easy task. I returned home after a particularly taxing day at work to a blood pressure reading of 174/156. I was having heart palpitations. I gave up caffeine and called my doctor. I expected her to say there was no need to go decaf and only a change of medication was necessary. Instead, she was pleased to see the effort I made and checked off a box on her tablet computer. I considered scratching her off my Christmas list, but, what could she do? Like my big feet, I inherited this issue from my father.
I love coffee. I have a Keurig. I love the aroma when it brews and the ping I feel in the back of my head when the caffeine hits my nervous system. As far as addictions go, one could do worse. You never hear about someone overdosing at Starbucks. No one will ever be arrested for a DWC, Driving While Caffeinated. If anything, these are some of the most alert drivers on the road. You’ll never turn on the news and see stories about caffeine addicts robbing stores at gunpoint. If they did, they’d be too shaky to aim the gun straight. Just roll a canister of chocolate-covered coffee beans their way and I’m sure they’ll walk out happy.
This is not the first time I’ve given up caffeine. I gave it up once when my husband and I were engaged. We were running errands. I realized my cup-a-day habit had grown to addiction when I had him pull off the freeway for a Pepsi after missing my morning hit. I went decaf because I envisioned having “I need a Coke” mistranslated on our upcoming Mexican honeymoon.
My husband, Captain Self-Righteous, has always championed the benefits of a caffeine free existence. He says I snap at him in the morning if I haven’t had “my fix.” I explain to him that he’s annoying all the time. My ability to handle it goes up exponentially when I have caffeine.
If you’re going to go decaf, I recommend you time it with your menstrual cycle. If you’re going to be tired and grumpy, it’s best to get it all out at the same time. This time around, the withdrawal headaches were tolerable with a few well-timed liquid ibuprofen capsules. I could honestly feel the blood vessels expanding in the back of my brain. My daughter is proud of me. She knows how hard it’s been. I’ve even lost a couple of pounds. Since decaf doesn’t have a bitter aftertaste, I’ve been using less sugar each morning. I’ve also discovered that my body’s working hours are from 5:30am to 9:30pm. If you need something, catch me early. When I conk out, there’s no flipping and turning. It’s that beautiful, drool in your pillow sleep that you don’t get unless you’re pregnant or taking Nyquil shots.
As a result of my efforts and new medication, my blood pressure has evened out significantly. I’ve rediscovered the joys of green tea, hot chocolate and apple cider. And for now, I busy myself looking for decaf pumpkin spice k-cups online. It’s only a placebo, but it’s my placebo.
